I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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