Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
