So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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