So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
