Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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