My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
