i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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