Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
