Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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