Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
