Your tits are I can't wait for
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
