You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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