I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
