Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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