She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were trust falling into bushes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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