Soap is not a condiment
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
