Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
