Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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