If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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