ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
