Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
