So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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