he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
