a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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