I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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