this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A bitchslap is in order.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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