Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
