sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
