someone get that fucking seahorse.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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