remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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