I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
