I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
