Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
