i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
