the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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