Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
