Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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