I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize