i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
