I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he puts the penis in happiness.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
