im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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