I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
