If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
