the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
