Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
