I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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