dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
