It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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