Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
