Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
