I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize