Got a toothbrush?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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