i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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