Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
