I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
