I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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