it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
