somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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