Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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