Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize