i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
