I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize