Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
