She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
