I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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