Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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